Last Post I did was called "12 Things" and I told you 12 things about myself under the explaination that part of the reason why was to understand a little more about me. But while all those things I said may help you know my personality, they may not help you know my heart. So here are a few other things that make me just a little more vulnerable- things that tell you more about who I have been and who I want to be and the things in between.
1. I have found I'm consistently not the best at showing my love for people around me. It's not that I don't love the people around me- I sometimes just struggle to show it in the ways they are looking for.
Sometimes the ways I show love and the way the people around me accept love, don't exactly line up. And since it's a common theme, I know it's something that needs to be worked on on my end. Sometimes they do converge, but learning how to give my love in a manner that others can accept has been a learning experience for me, and it still is. I'm definitely a work in progress, but I do see some progress. I'm hopeful and expectant and encouraged by the heart expansion and adjustment Jesus has already done in me and will undoubtedly continue to do.
2. I'm afraid not so much of making mistakes, but of not choosing specific things which I was "supposed" to have gone with. I guess it is a fear of mistakes, but in the sense of thinking there is one "best way" to do things and any of the other "not-best" ways would be a mistake. This is an unprofitable way of thinking. Walking righteously is the best way, but beyond loving God and loving others, we can't usually know which way is "the best". Sometimes you gotta just go with it.
I'm not afraid of this as much as I used to be afraid of it, but sometimes I find myself worried about doing the right things rather than doing things the right way.
Even if I do say so myself, I've come a long way in this area and have experienced a lot of delightful things by not letting the fear of choosing the inferior get to me. I'm thankful for those times when I've let go and seen a lot of amazing little things come out of a choice that I wasn't 100% positive was "the best" before I chose it. Because seeing those amazing things come from chances I've taken makes me want to take more. It makes me want to focus on how I do things and not as much what I'm choosing.
Can either choice glorify God? Yes. Then choose one and glorify God with it. Simple (and challenging) as that.
3. This third one I'm writing as it burns on my heart.
"Anna, you're so dramatic." you might be thinking. But really, it's heavy on my heart. Heavy in a good way.
This third thing is about my best friend and the man that I love. He has been instrumental in helping me break out of the first two things that I thought used to define me. He is where the progress I've made in both of the above areas comes to life.
That whole 'not showing people love' thing that I struggle with? I struggled to show him love. I still do. But as I want to show my love for him more, and as I spend time learning how he accepts love, I learn how to show my love in a way he can understand. That's not to say that he hasn't been hurt by my lack of clear communication, but I'm learning to not only love him in my heart better, but how to bless him and show him that love in a way he can see as well.
That afraid of 'not choosing the best' thing? I used to be afraid of that until he walked into my life and I realized sometimes the best chooses you. That sounded real cheesy but I mean it and you better believe it. Let me expound on that.
I used to be afraid that my choices (specifically with guys) had to be exactly right or my life wouldn't go the direction that I wanted. Frankly, I was afraid of settling in past relationships (and maybe that was justified). I was afraid that I wasn't choosing the best so I was discontented with the situation my choices had led me to.
But not with Jake. I've never wanted or asked for better than him. He is perfect for me. Not perfect; but perfect for me. But I didn't know that at first. At first, I was taking a chance by choosing something that wasn't guaranteed 'the best' choice. But it turned out to be (and he has become) one of the biggest blessings of my life.
That progress I see and want to make more of will mean me, learning to show my love in a way that gets across. That might mean thinking outside the box or some hard work, or doing things I don't feel like doing. Part of that will mean me, trusting Jesus to make the most of whatever choices I do make. But it's all worth it because I want to live out my choices in the best ways I can, with love for others and for God - to glorify Him with whatever I'm given.
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1. I have found I'm consistently not the best at showing my love for people around me. It's not that I don't love the people around me- I sometimes just struggle to show it in the ways they are looking for.
Sometimes the ways I show love and the way the people around me accept love, don't exactly line up. And since it's a common theme, I know it's something that needs to be worked on on my end. Sometimes they do converge, but learning how to give my love in a manner that others can accept has been a learning experience for me, and it still is. I'm definitely a work in progress, but I do see some progress. I'm hopeful and expectant and encouraged by the heart expansion and adjustment Jesus has already done in me and will undoubtedly continue to do.
2. I'm afraid not so much of making mistakes, but of not choosing specific things which I was "supposed" to have gone with. I guess it is a fear of mistakes, but in the sense of thinking there is one "best way" to do things and any of the other "not-best" ways would be a mistake. This is an unprofitable way of thinking. Walking righteously is the best way, but beyond loving God and loving others, we can't usually know which way is "the best". Sometimes you gotta just go with it.
I'm not afraid of this as much as I used to be afraid of it, but sometimes I find myself worried about doing the right things rather than doing things the right way.
Even if I do say so myself, I've come a long way in this area and have experienced a lot of delightful things by not letting the fear of choosing the inferior get to me. I'm thankful for those times when I've let go and seen a lot of amazing little things come out of a choice that I wasn't 100% positive was "the best" before I chose it. Because seeing those amazing things come from chances I've taken makes me want to take more. It makes me want to focus on how I do things and not as much what I'm choosing.
Can either choice glorify God? Yes. Then choose one and glorify God with it. Simple (and challenging) as that.
3. This third one I'm writing as it burns on my heart.
"Anna, you're so dramatic." you might be thinking. But really, it's heavy on my heart. Heavy in a good way.
This third thing is about my best friend and the man that I love. He has been instrumental in helping me break out of the first two things that I thought used to define me. He is where the progress I've made in both of the above areas comes to life.
That whole 'not showing people love' thing that I struggle with? I struggled to show him love. I still do. But as I want to show my love for him more, and as I spend time learning how he accepts love, I learn how to show my love in a way he can understand. That's not to say that he hasn't been hurt by my lack of clear communication, but I'm learning to not only love him in my heart better, but how to bless him and show him that love in a way he can see as well.
That afraid of 'not choosing the best' thing? I used to be afraid of that until he walked into my life and I realized sometimes the best chooses you. That sounded real cheesy but I mean it and you better believe it. Let me expound on that.
I used to be afraid that my choices (specifically with guys) had to be exactly right or my life wouldn't go the direction that I wanted. Frankly, I was afraid of settling in past relationships (and maybe that was justified). I was afraid that I wasn't choosing the best so I was discontented with the situation my choices had led me to.
But not with Jake. I've never wanted or asked for better than him. He is perfect for me. Not perfect; but perfect for me. But I didn't know that at first. At first, I was taking a chance by choosing something that wasn't guaranteed 'the best' choice. But it turned out to be (and he has become) one of the biggest blessings of my life.
That progress I see and want to make more of will mean me, learning to show my love in a way that gets across. That might mean thinking outside the box or some hard work, or doing things I don't feel like doing. Part of that will mean me, trusting Jesus to make the most of whatever choices I do make. But it's all worth it because I want to live out my choices in the best ways I can, with love for others and for God - to glorify Him with whatever I'm given.
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So there ya are. 3 things that come to mind when it comes to the heart of me. 2 areas my heart has been weak in, and 1 thing that the Lord has used to shape up those places.