I'd Like to Add . . .

It's late.  I probably shouldn't be up right now cause I plan on being up somewhat early tomorrow.  But there's a lot of things in life that "shouldn't be".  This is (by far) not the worst among them. There's something on my heart.  I'll try to get it formed into a blog post quickly for the sake of time. It's something I've never thought of blogging about; it has (thus far) been something I kept sort of hidden and pondered in my heart.  But for some reason, it's nagging at me to be written down, to be shared.  Almost as if I have realized that this thing deserves to have a work of literary art in it's honor as a tribute to what it means to me.  So I will make one for it. This thing is a truth.  A story, sort of.  A very short story.  My parents have told it to me (or reminded me more or less) a few times over the course of my life but it's one of those things that have expansive impact even though you've had minimal encount

So about the future.  I obviously don't know it so it makes sense that this one might be a little shorter (or longer-it could logically go either way, I just went with shorter). There are litterally (at least) a hundred different ways it could go. After the internship I'm doing, I might stay on there. Or I might come back here. If I come back here I could work, go away to college, take classes from home, live with my parents, move out with some friends, get some kind of certification and work a more specific job, come back to the office job I have now, etc. Or I could move to CA and live with some family and find a job with some distant cousins. Or I could move to some other random state and adventure there. The list of possibilities goes on and on. What sounds best to me right now is to do one of the aforementioned options that have to do with moving back here but we really will see won't we.

Sometimes, I just want to write. I have this impulse to write even if I don't have anything in particular I want to write about.  I search for some substancial subject matter just to have a good reason to write about something.  I like writing. Sometimes I question the phenomenon.  I ask the Lord if it's wrong for me to be so into writing, because something that I love this much that isn't God Himself must be an idol, right?  Maybe not. He said, "So write about me." And that put a smile on my face for two specific reasons: 1) Because I can write (something I love doing) about HIM (God, who I love)!  What a blessing! 2) Because of what this tells me about Him, me, life and our love.  Because this is a revelation of His heart toward me.  The first reason is a lot more straight forward and obvious in meaning: He has given me the freedom to write about Him today on September 25th of 2012.  Sweet!  The second reason is more of a concept to be believed.  This G

As it has only been since last night that I wrote my first post in my new series, "Seasons", I don't necessarily have a whole lot more to say about my planning for the posts so I think I'm gonna dive right in. Something I like doing is sitting in coffee shops while I blog (VERRY original, I know).  I'm in one right now and have a Pumpkin Pie Chai on one side of the table and a Coconut Chocolate Chip Scone on the other (now you can be jealous of my overpriced and extremely unhealthy consumptions so far today).  This brings me to the first season I'm gonna talk about . . . . RIGHT NOW. Right now I'm 19 years old.  I'm about 3 1/2 months away from moving to Kansas City for at least six months to do an internship at the International House of Prayer.  I'm not a mom, not a wife and for sure don't have everything even close to figured out.  I would go so far as to say that I barely have anything figured out.  Now you're probably trying to fig

On the first day of the season of fall, (too cold for being this early in the season, I might add) I was driving home from a friend's house thinking about what he had just shared about a painful season he had gone through in the past.  The fact that I could relate triggered me to think back on different seasons of my life.   Happy, sad, weird, painful, uncomfortable, refining, and restoring are a few of a whole slew of labels I would attribute to past seasons. I want to write a series about some of these 'seasons'.   Trying to think through the weight of this task before I embark on it, I realize it's daunting nature.  The prospect of trying to put all the events, thoughts, feelings and emotions into mere words would be impossible.  I really wouldn't be able to begin to explain every detail in it's entirety even if I had a hundred years and nothing better to be doing with my time, but doing bits and pieces of it justice is a challenge I think I want to acce

We're not perfect people.  Nobody is.  I don't think anyone, in seriousness, would even claim to be. It's a fact of being human that we fall down sometimes. I get caught up in the non-priorities as if they really mattered.  I waste my time.  I try so hard to please the wrong people.  I strive for things unattainable that turn out to be phantoms in the end.  I hurt the ones I love the most and put my best smile forward when it comes to strangers. I. Have. Failed. When it's most obvious to me that I've failed, it's really hard to have any motivation to pick myself up and keep going.  There's nothing as discouraging to me than looking at how badly I've blown it AND the fact that it happens again and again. "But last time I tried to get out of this mud pit I failed so why would it be any different this time?", is the main thought that goes through my head when I finally realize my need to get out of the rut I'm in. "He lifted me o

 I woke up with this song in my head. From time to time, I just wake up with songs playing through my head.  Most of the time it makes at least some sense why that song might be there.  Sometimes it makes so much sense that all I can do is sit on the edge of my bed in awe.  This morning, this song made a lot of sense. I went to bed burdened last night and I still am.  I don't know what to do and I don't even know if this burden is something I can do anything about except pray (I don't think of prayer as a last resort, but it is honestly about the only thing I can do).  This burden is for someone else.  I've carried it before and I carry it again.  I have given it to Jesus but it's still on my heart and on my mind.  Not only am I burdened for the choices of this other friend (who I love a lot) but I'm just coming out of my own kind of funk.  A rut. A complacency that even the thought of makes me cringe because I don't want to go back.  And as I woke

Hey, it's Thursday. Again. Would you look at that? Seems like it was just last week. . . Okay I'll stop. But about thursdays, I like them.  They have a unique place.  Fridays are just obviously good cause they're practically the kickoff of the weekend.  But Thursdays are like the time before a vacation when you're getting excited and looking forward to it but things haven't gotten crazy busy yet.  Thursdays, in my opinion, are underrated. So are Mondays.  And almost any other day.  Because any day can be good if you choose to see it that way. Because of the Lord ’s great love we are not consumed for his compassions never fail.   They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

This morning I witnessed some things that made an impression on me. Usually on my way to work every day, I have the choice of taking 1 of 2 routes: to go down one busy road and then turn onto one other road or to wind through a bunch of streets and through downtown.  Both take about the same amount of time so it's usually a toss up.  I really like downtown though so that's the route I like to take, and I did this morning.  And while I was driving downtown, yielding at a green light and waiting to turn, I saw the first instance that made me start thinking. . . To my left I looked and saw two elderly people.  One was a woman in a wheelchair and she was being pushed across the street by an elderly man. They looked about the same age, he had a wedding ring (I didn't see her left hand), a back brace on and a look on his face that I think can only belong to someone looking out for the one they love.  It was precious.  As they got to the other side of the street, she started

Do you ever have those times when you just can't help but cry from deep down?  Sometimes I get this feeling when I'm physically injured and can't help but let myself wimper and breathe dramatically and let the tears come.  It's a good feeling, the feeling of "I've had it, I can't hold this in anymore and I'm finally just gonna face that fact now."  Some people hate it.  Sometimes I do too I guess.  But most of the time I really like not being able to control tears that come because it serves as such a good reminder.  And the reminder is this: my best is not the standard and actually can't win or lose a thing. My best is actually very weak and small in perspective to the grand scheme of things and the idea that I was actually holding something together was really a quite elaborate illusion.  There is something in the moment of busting out into tears that screams truth and shatters the denial I had been living in.  Please don't get me wro

43.If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?  Just because good things can come from mistakes doesn't make them pleasant or enjoyable.  I wish I could learn every lesson the easy way, but sometimes it's through the mistakes that I will learn what I need to learn.  So I'll keep trying to learn my lessons the easy way, but if I do need to learn them from mistakes or hard times, then so be it.  44.What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Good question.  I would probably share my faith more.  Because it's a wonderful thing and I want everyone to know the truth about how God is, who He says we are and how our relationship with Him was intended to be, but sometimes the fear of what people will think stops me from being an intentional witness to it. I would also probably go out on a limb more when it comes to fashion, style, writing and trying new things as well, just to name a few.  And honestly answering this

"What do you mean?" he said. "Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?" Please excuse my excessive and incessant jabber on the subject but OHHH MYYY GOOOODNESSS I am so excited for this movie to come out!!!1

So the whole readathon thing didn't go as well as planned.  I tried to get as much reading done as I could but as I stated prior to even beginning it, people would come first for me this weekend.  So as far as readathons go, I didn't get a ghastly amount accomplished.  But it was a very good weekend that did involve a good amount of reading.  I'm happy with it.  Progress made: None on Eragon. I was soo close on The Hobbit ! 15 pages from being done (so 161 pages read) But by the time I sat down to read it last night, it was past midnight.  Oh well. Samuel 2 : Got to Chapter 13 (So a little over halfway through the book) My goal for the rest of this week is to finish up my aspirations for the readathon that I didn't accomplish. All in all, it was fun to participate in this readathon. I like the idea of setting short term goals for hobbies.  I think I'll start doing various kinds of marathons more often.  It's a great way to get things done.