I'd Like to Add . . .

Today is Christmas Eve Eve.  I worked almost all day.  I'm very thankful for the hours and I didn't have other plans so I didn't mind being there. One of my managers kept asking me if I was in a bad mood though.  I think 3 times she asked me this today between the two shifts that I worked.  At first I just thought I wasn't really paying attention to my facial expressions since I was busy and tired (I tend to look mad when I'm not paying attention and tired). Then I started thinking about it more and I realized that maybe there was something wrong deep down and I hadn't even noticed it. There has been quite a bit on my mind for the past few months and especially this past week or so- I had noticed that- but I didn't know it had gotten to me so much.  I am thankful though because it gives me an opportunity to give the burden to the Lord.  This whole thing has made me think that even though there is noticeably something on my heart the fact that Christmas is

17. What is one thing have you not done that you really want to do and what’s holding you back? Geesh! This is a tough one cause there is a pretty long list of things I want to do at some point in my life so I'll just adress the main reasons why I haven't done most of them yet.   The first reason is that some of these things will cost money.  A lot of money.  Things like (but not limited to) having my own house or traveling to places I would like to either visit or revisit.   The second reason is that some of the things that I want to do are things that I wouldn't want in this part of my life but would really like to have someday.  Like a husband and a family. Sometimes the hindrance is both time and money because I hope that when the time comes for some things (like the house and travel-and kids I guess too) that I'll have the money for them too.   (18 is answered in a separate post a while ago) 19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you c

I walk around on dark days wishing things were different.  Not just wanting to sit back and be content.  The sky describes my mood well on these days- gray all over with spots of lighter and darker as the wind sways the trees but it is puzzlingly not cold out. I wonder, did the founding fathers encourage the pursuit of happiness because they knew at some point we would reach the end and find you? "Why can't I just be happy?" I wonder. But happiness was never promised to me. Sometimes I think if only ____ and I could grasp it. But happiness is, in fact, very weak because the more it is trusted in and sought after, the more of a phantom it really becomes and the farther away it flees. I somewhat know how happiness is not found but I have a much less clear picture of how it is found (or I might not be sitting here writing this and instead be basking in it). What I do know about how it is found is that if you let it go and do not waste your life chasing after it, once

I haven't posted in a while (or at least it feels that way)and I really wanted to share (with whoever ends up reading this) what I've been learning.  It's hard to categorize since we don't learn things in nice little categories and compartments-life does not happen in nice little categories and compartments.  But I'll give it my best shot anyway. The first and boldest thing is that God's not out to get me and what He is really most concerned with is my heart. One night I was laying in bed feeling drenched in guilt and then the truth hit me like a bolt of lightning.  What really matters is my heart, because everything else is not going to last anyway: my image, my emotions, my happiness, not even my sin.  So then if my heart is saved, my sin doesn't constitute who I am. So even if I'm surrounded by my own filth and nastiness, something that isn't rotting away lives inside of me.  And that something (really someone) is the Real Thing.  The Truth, th

16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? I think this question can mean 2 different things.  1 being: How come the answer to my happiness isn't the answer to everyone else's happiness? 2 being: Why do the things that make you happy make the people around you unhappy? In the context of the 1st case, (which is what I'm assuming is the actual context of the question) I think that answer has to do with the fact that happiness cannot be fabricated and therefore is hard for any one person to find for themselves.   It's like a chemical reaction   (it actually is a chemical reaction, since it's an emotion) that nobody really knows how to tame.  A vapor that even I don't know how to shape into what I want it to be.  (I hope to do a whole post on my opinion of happiness someday on here but for now, this will do.) I have not yet found a way to harness happiness for myself.  If I had though, the specific chemical formula that would "c