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Oh the posts I could post . . .

Oh the things I wish I could do.  The person I wish I was and could be.  The skills I wish I had.  The ways I wish I felt.  The character I wish I was.   The things I long to express.  The daughter, the sister, the friend I wish I could be.  The things I long to be close to.
Here with a keyboard under my fingers, the possibilities are practically endless.  I could write a novel or pour my heart out, but it feels like something is boxing me in.  With time, maybe I could be all those things I wish I could do and be but I will never be perfect. I'm going to have to learn that when it comes to the stars I want to grasp, I will never be in a perfect place to jump for them.
I will never be able to write in all justice, about something I want to write about.  I will never be able to fully express myself in a way that some other human will fully know.  I might not succeed in writing a book that changes somebody's life because I don't know how, no matter how much I wish I could.  But I can still do what I can with what I have and who knows what I will find myself doing?
I can still live the life I wish I could as best I can and with Jesus as a life companion.
He knows.
He knows I wish I could write my passion.  He knows I want to love better.  He knows I wish I could think through all I start thinking of but quit on.  He knows I wish I didn't have to spend my day in a building I don't want to be in.  He knows exactly how I move to the rhythms of the song that he is writing out with my life.  He knows my desires.  He knows how I feel.  He knows how music can pick me up and pull my heart with a string wherever it goes.  It's not about what I can make myself into, although I can try. It's not about what I want people to see me as, although I can wish.  It's not about the talents I wish I possessed, but it is about what I can do with what I have.  It's not about being perfect or as close to it as I think I can get.  It is about walking through life with Jesus, and letting him make me into the person he wants me to be.  Ahh. I just breathed a sigh of relief because it is unexplainable (although if you are reading this and are human you already understand) how relieving it is to be washed over with the reminder that life is not about what you can make yourself to be.  Yes, what you can make out of what you have is important, but the knowledge that my value is not dependent on what I could and can do and be is an incredibly, hugely important and a potentially life-altering piece of information.    

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