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Real.

The last few days, I've been sort of just pulling through.  Living on autopilot.  Whatever you want to call the times where you've allowed yourself to just sort of go numb or to sleep.
It's not that I've intentionally done it but a combination of a lot of things have brought me to where I feel I am today: at a standstill and not even knowing it.  I feel like I've been living in a dream almost.  But the funny thing about my dreams is that I usually wake up and am glad I'm not really in them forever.

I like real life.  There are so many things throughout the day that put a smile on my face or make me glad that I'm me, living my life.  However, it seems like even those weren't enough lately to keep me at the surface of fantasy where I can breathe in reality.  This just proves to me that the enemy doesn't just use hurt to his advantage but contentment and comfort as well. (1 Corinthians 10:12)
Sometimes I would rather be underwater than breathing in the smoke of what seems like my life going down in flames.  My life isn't at all going up in flames right now, but it made me think about those times when it's felt like it before and I just wanted to run away from it.

Really, I think it all comes down to not being alert and purposely fighting my tendency to try and escape reality.  I don't think it's wrong to want to lose yourself in a daydream every once in a while but to live in them is dangerous.  Because at the end of your life, what do you have to show for those days where all you did was dream?  We can fool ourselves into losing ourselves into anything to keep our eyes off of what really matters in life, but where is your treasure then?
(Please don't for one second think that I'm trying to preach because I really am just typing out words that I know I need to read myself but maybe they can help you too.)

I think it's almost more backward to run into fantasy than to run the opposite way.  Because in fantasy, there isn't even a problem to be running from.
Instead of running from reality into fantasy just to keep from feeling any discomfort or pain, I choose to go the opposite direction- to stay in reality and give the pain that sometimes accompanies it to Jesus who is the most real thing in heaven and earth.  Even the little things.  Because it's better to be with Him, handing over my pain, than to never be with Him at all.  He never promised that it wouldn't hurt but He did promise to be my comfort.  I don't want to run from reality just because it means inevitable pain.  There will be pain sooner or later.  But instead of either running away or embracing that pain as my own and allowing it to rot into bitterness, I want to embrace the reality of the life that Jesus longs to give me and then I'll have real joy.

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