This semester of college is officially over as of last friday when I emailed my english teacher my final essays. Halleluyer!
I just checked and the last time I posted here was almost a month ago. It definitely feels like waaaay longer though and I've been itching to write again. I've basically abandoned my podcast the past few weeks as well and while I don't feel all guilt tripped to be more consistent about these things, I really just want to do them more often simply because I enjoy them. Probably needless to summarize, I've been busy. But not always with matters I had no choice in. Some of the busyness came from having spent my time reading or watching netflix shows while I cleaned my room or crocheting (or trying to) a full-size blanket or just chilling with Jake, etc. etc. etc. Truth is that yes, I've been busy but no, I didn't have to be as busy as I have been. However, being busy, I have accomplished things and I'm glad about that. I guess it's just how life moves-- and moreso as I get older I realize the following is true. You've got things you need to do and then things you want to do in order to keep going to go on to do those need-to things and in the end you just find yourself with a pile full of things to do and (one of my favorite sayings) a vicious cycle.
Sidenote: Want to know something mildly funny? Throughout this draft, whenever I go to type an "f" sound in a word, I keep finding myself typing "ph" like "phat pharm". Don't know why. I digress...
Back on topic: So I'm here freshly into Christmas break and I should be rejoicing and happy and all that I get the next month or so off of school, although I do have to work for most of this month. (I am really happy about the break, though, so don't take the next thing I say wrongly). But I find myself more worn out and tired and discouraged than I have been in a while. And I think I know exactly why. Because I've been busy and, oddly, being busy makes me feel like I have energy because it distracts from the fact that in reality, I am tired and worn. And I say this in a spiritual sense, mostly. For the most part lately my body is fine and my mind feels sharp. I get the sleep I need (and sometimes almost morbidly more, if nothing interrupts). The working hard of the past few months has felt good and appealed to my human-ness. But I believe my spirit has suffered. Because there were a lot of things I needed to do and many other things I just wanted to do, it was hard to settle down my body, mind and heart and simply be with God.
Especially when I was little, I really didn't enjoy bedtime. I wanted to stay up all night so that I wouldn't miss a single fun thing that could be accomplished. I'm still that way sometimes (although I am learning to treasure sleep more and more). I can stay up for the better part of 24 hours (although not repeatedly, mind you) and not really feel it if there's something exciting going on, but that doesn't cancel out my need for sleep. The same goes with life. I am so entertained and my attention gets carried away from the things that matter that I don't often stop and realize that I do need rest-the kind of rest that can only come from God. I could take this whole month and go to the calm coastal waters of Florida and come back just as tired because I could have gone the whole time still not directing my attention to the things that matter.
There is a Josh Garrells song that I have found myself liking very much. It's called "Resistance" and one of the lyrics is:
I just checked and the last time I posted here was almost a month ago. It definitely feels like waaaay longer though and I've been itching to write again. I've basically abandoned my podcast the past few weeks as well and while I don't feel all guilt tripped to be more consistent about these things, I really just want to do them more often simply because I enjoy them. Probably needless to summarize, I've been busy. But not always with matters I had no choice in. Some of the busyness came from having spent my time reading or watching netflix shows while I cleaned my room or crocheting (or trying to) a full-size blanket or just chilling with Jake, etc. etc. etc. Truth is that yes, I've been busy but no, I didn't have to be as busy as I have been. However, being busy, I have accomplished things and I'm glad about that. I guess it's just how life moves-- and moreso as I get older I realize the following is true. You've got things you need to do and then things you want to do in order to keep going to go on to do those need-to things and in the end you just find yourself with a pile full of things to do and (one of my favorite sayings) a vicious cycle.
Sidenote: Want to know something mildly funny? Throughout this draft, whenever I go to type an "f" sound in a word, I keep finding myself typing "ph" like "phat pharm". Don't know why. I digress...
Back on topic: So I'm here freshly into Christmas break and I should be rejoicing and happy and all that I get the next month or so off of school, although I do have to work for most of this month. (I am really happy about the break, though, so don't take the next thing I say wrongly). But I find myself more worn out and tired and discouraged than I have been in a while. And I think I know exactly why. Because I've been busy and, oddly, being busy makes me feel like I have energy because it distracts from the fact that in reality, I am tired and worn. And I say this in a spiritual sense, mostly. For the most part lately my body is fine and my mind feels sharp. I get the sleep I need (and sometimes almost morbidly more, if nothing interrupts). The working hard of the past few months has felt good and appealed to my human-ness. But I believe my spirit has suffered. Because there were a lot of things I needed to do and many other things I just wanted to do, it was hard to settle down my body, mind and heart and simply be with God.
Especially when I was little, I really didn't enjoy bedtime. I wanted to stay up all night so that I wouldn't miss a single fun thing that could be accomplished. I'm still that way sometimes (although I am learning to treasure sleep more and more). I can stay up for the better part of 24 hours (although not repeatedly, mind you) and not really feel it if there's something exciting going on, but that doesn't cancel out my need for sleep. The same goes with life. I am so entertained and my attention gets carried away from the things that matter that I don't often stop and realize that I do need rest-the kind of rest that can only come from God. I could take this whole month and go to the calm coastal waters of Florida and come back just as tired because I could have gone the whole time still not directing my attention to the things that matter.
There is a Josh Garrells song that I have found myself liking very much. It's called "Resistance" and one of the lyrics is:
"My rest is a weapon against the oppression of man's obsession to control things."Nail on the head. Over the next few weeks, I'm looking to rest in the sense that most people don't think of, that I don't think of, first. I'm looking to rest by fighting through the distractions of life and just being with my Father. There will probably be some Christmas movies watched and crocheting done, but in the midst of them, I will just be. And maybe somewhere in that, there are a few more, blog posts as well ;)