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Diary of a Bride to Be

You may say the title is cheesy, and you would be completely right.  But that's fine.

I keep finding myself laying in bed with my eyes closed, ready to drift off to sleep, thinking, "Oh yeah, I want to be keeping better record of these days by journaling more," but it hasn't happened for a while, and I can't stand not keeping any record of these >10 days until I get married.  In fact, I want it to be the opposite.  You see, lately I've been making it my subtle mission to soak up every moment.  Subtle because I have a lot of "missions" lately, what with the getting married in less than 10 days, but this mission, because of how important I deem it, has been at the front of my mind a lot.  So here are some thoughts and feelings as they come to mind.

Firstly, I was just thinking about why it's so important to me to be soaking it all up in the first place. And it's fairly simple: my life is changing a lot.  But at the same time, in a lot of ways it's not, and I hope it doesn't change too terribly much, because I'm pretty content with the way my life is.
While many things will be changing for the better, I'm hoping some of the things that I'm having to say goodbye to in their present state won't change a whole lot.  Namely, my relationship with my parents and sister.
As small as it may seem, things like driving here at night and stepping in the door and having my two little dogs bark at me will be something I miss.  Or seeing a light shine from around the corner and knowing my dad is sitting in the living room reading the newspaper or watching something on PBS. Like my mom and I being the last people still up at night and when I tell her I'm off to bed, her shuffling over in her slippers to hug me with floss in her hand and her hair up in little clips while she does her bedtime routine.  Or like my sister coming home from work or school and fixing herself (and usually me too) a grilled cheese on the George Foreman while telling me about some crazy dream she had last night.

Of course none of those things are going away permanently, but I know they will be different, and most likely fewer and further between than I'm used to.  And although I might miss them sometimes, it's alright with me that they are changing- as long as, knowing what is coming, I can stand here in these moments and memories that I still have, in the ways I've always known them, with my eyes wide open and a smile on my face, taking it all in.

I feel a little bit like Cinderella, and the clock is ticking.  And I know midnight is coming, except in my case, midnight is bringing good with it.  I'm trying to enjoy the time I have left at this Ball of Life As I Know It, before I go on to find out what all of these small things I cherish will look like from the other side.

It sounds sort of dramatic, just like the title, but there is the truth of where I am right now.

Sweet Dreams,



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