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But I Press On

We're not perfect people.  Nobody is.  I don't think anyone, in seriousness, would even claim to be.
It's a fact of being human that we fall down sometimes.
I get caught up in the non-priorities as if they really mattered.  I waste my time.  I try so hard to please the wrong people.  I strive for things unattainable that turn out to be phantoms in the end. 
I hurt the ones I love the most and put my best smile forward when it comes to strangers.
I. Have. Failed.

When it's most obvious to me that I've failed, it's really hard to have any motivation to pick myself up and keep going.  There's nothing as discouraging to me than looking at how badly I've blown it AND the fact that it happens again and again.
"But last time I tried to get out of this mud pit I failed so why would it be any different this time?", is the main thought that goes through my head when I finally realize my need to get out of the rut I'm in.
"He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." 
Psalm 40:2
The other day for no apparent reason as I was cleaning my room, the word "try" sparked a hope in me. 
I'm a 'why' person, so automatically I wracked my brain for why I should try.
That moment my heart felt like a well or a spring, putting out and filling up with water (and that's a very accurate analogy because for a while my heart has been pretty dried up).  I could almost physically feel what the Lord was doing inside of me, in my soul.  I felt like a room being filled as water gushed in from somewhere outside of it.  It wasn't something I did, but the outside source that filled me (the outside source being the Holy Spirit).

I've heard the advice before that if you think you're hungry, try drinking some water because you might just be thirsty.  Physically, sometimes our bodies are confused by thirst and think we need one thing when we really need another.  Spiritually, I think it's the same way.  We really need the living water that Jesus gives.  Our souls are thirsty for Him (Ps. 42:1).  But very often I find myself trying to quench my thirst with things that won't solve the real issue, just as I would physically reach for a bag of potato chips when I really just need a drink of water.

My point is, I didn't realize my heart was thirsty.  I knew I had been missing something lately but I didn't realize that the sense of lacking was due to my neglect of spending time with and letting myself be filled by Jesus.

And when I realized in my room that the reason I can pick myself up again and try is because I love Him, it was like I fell in love all over again.  I'm not just trying for the sake of trying anymore.  Not just believing for the sake of believing.  I press on because that's what pleases the One I love.
"I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 3:14
He has given me a reason to try, a reason to press on.  I don't just live this life for myself anymore; I've been made new.  The thought that I've already blown it, and I've already failed at picking myself up isn't a good enough reason to keep me down anymore. 

"He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights."
Psalm 18:33
 
So, I'm pressing on.
 
 

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