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Today

This morning, I hit snooze on my alarm a few times.  I also woke up with dark circles under my eyes and a headache that still hasn't left.  There was no coffee already made and on the way to work, my heat kept going sort of neutral instead of blasting me with warmth like I would have liked.  I read a chapter of Colossians but got fidgety and decided to try and do some homework which I just couldn't make myself pay attention to either.  I just decided to pray that the Lord would help my heart to just be content.

This morning, my boss came up to the front office where I answer the telephones and greet visitors.  He told me he had just gotten off the phone with a woman who was in tears when she called.  He said that her husband had died last night.

Her husband died last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic, but sometimes I just want to linger in the weight of something like that.

I woke up this morning and drudged through the way to work, half asleep.  Today has been altogether pretty unremarkable for me.  Not necessarily bad, but not really good.  Just unremarkable.
This lady's morning is completely different from any morning she has ever experienced.  Her husband died last night. 
Last night, I was on the phone talking to Jake in the minutes leading up to 12 AM so that I could be the first one to wish him a happy birthday. 
Today is his birthday, and today is someone else's first day without her husband by her side.

I couldn't help but think, "What am I going to do?" because the thought that a day like hers is coming for me assaulted my mind and shook me up.  I could be scared of that for my whole life, dreading the day when I would lose the person that means the most in the whole world to me. But I don't want to live that way.

Today is his birthday.  I know I'm not guaranteed any certain amount of time, whether for me or people I love, but instead of worrying about something that I can do absolutely nothing about, I want to celebrate.  Celebrate that he was born.  Celebrate that God made him to be so perfect for me.  Celebrate that this is the second birthday I've been able to celebrate with him and that I hope for so many more.  Celebrate that even when our bodies die, we will still be alive and with God.
I don't know how my life will pan out and it might be something completely different from what I would have planned or preferred, but I know that I have a lot to celebrate-now and always.

I don't want to spend our precious time together being afraid or worried or sad or even just neutral.  I want to spend every minute I can, full of joy with you.  In good times and bad times and just the everyday, sometimes unremarkable times.  You're my best friend and the love of my life and I am so glad to bless your socks off, today and every day.
Happy birthday, Jake.

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