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Speaking.

I write because I enjoy the art of effective communication without any noise.  And because it's fun.  And because I think sometimes I communicate better with words silently than out loud.   At least I prefer it, sometimes.  One of my love languages is words I think, (although it's not my main one) but some days I just don't have a way with them.

Some days I do.  Sometimes it's really easy for me to find words for the notion in my head.  But sometimes the words that come out of my mouth have more of a figurative likeness to scrambled eggs than to eloquence.

It's frustrating.  I aspire to be a wordsmith. About 30% of the time, it's safe to say I'm not incredibly endowed in the art of words, 15% of the time I am far from it, 35% of the time I don't notice either excessive lack or abundance of this certain talent and 20% of the time I have the privilege of easily expressing my thoughts.
Actually though, with enough focus, time and the right mindset and circumstances, we can probably scrap all the approximate statistics above and say that it really is possible that I could be good with words.
As humbling as it is to admit upon reading it, I can relate with Moses in the Bible when He said,
"Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and tongue." (Exodus 4:10)  
It was the fourth "If, And or But" kind of thing Moses had said in his conversation with the Angel of the Lord who appeared as a flame of fire in the burning bush.  In the first, he reminded the omniscient God that he  wasn't the type of person who should be sent to talk to Pharoh and bring the Children of Israel out of Egypt.  In the second, he wanted to know what to say when he would inevitably get questioned by the people of Israel.  In the third, he said that they wouldn't believe the answer he gave them from the previous question.  In the fourth he finally said that he didn't have the eloquence or the quickness of speech to do what God had called him to.

"Then the Lord said, "Who has made man's mouth?  Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind?  Is it not I, the LORD?  Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak." But he said, "Oh, my Lord, please send someone else."  Then the anger of the Lord was kindled against Moses . . . " (Exodus 4: 10-14a)

I worry.
I worry that when the time comes for me to show my true colors through words eloquently laced together, they will instead fall straight from my mouth to the ground.  But I have heard the Lord say it before and I hear it now just the same to me as when He said it to Moses: "I will be with your mouth and teach you what you will speak."
And instead of making excuses and kindling the Lord's anger, I'll just trust.  That He has the words for me to speak and knows when I need to speak them.  That in this instance, like many others, He gives me what I need when I need it and no more- because He wants me to lean on Him alone.

There will most probably be times when I make myself look stupid because of what I say, struggle to say or fail to say.  But I know that when it really matters, He will give me the words to say.  And everything else I need.

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