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Wondering Why

I'm here again on a monday morning.  I've been here before at this same time in the same place, and while I know His mercies are new to me this morning, and I know I am blessed, blessed and more blessed, I can't help but be a little extra reverent and solemn this morning.  There's joy underneath it, but I might even say I'm a little sad.  Here's something I wrote the bulk of last night as a considerably more emotional person, but it's still relevant.
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If you would walk into my room right now, you might wonder why I'm crying.
I say that's a valid question and the first portion of answering it would have to include the fact that these are the sweet tears, not the sorrowful, painful ones.  These are tears that are induced by the precious things.  By realizing things you never have before and by beholding something that can never ever be duplicated or replaced or depreciated.
Things that, no matter what anyone thinks, says, believes or does, will be true and will matter.

These aren't tears of sadness but the tears that these things just seem to deserve.  Sometimes things simply deserve to be cried over, simply because they matter and my little heart can't appreciate them enough without crying.

These are tears about people that may not even know you that well, but really, genuinely care.  Not because you put on a good show or because you were super likable, but just cause they care.  Because living in this world, you must know that those are rare and beautiful things to have.  Everybody is so busy doing things or trying to be liked that it's really rare to have someone just care, but I have that in some people, and that really means a lot to me.  And even though they may go away, what that means will stay with me.

These are tears of knowing certain days would come and being allowed to bask in what you were not looking forward to.  Because when those times come, we have to just be in them and then let them pass.  I think that's the only way they ever actually will.

These are tears of seeing a baby and something about him being so beautiful, you cry as if you were one.   Looking at them, their miniature shoulders and noses and fingers, and see a small version of everyone else walking around here, I know no one except our God could have been so amazing to craft them together.  Because there is nothing like a brand new human.  Just nothing.

These are tears of seeing someone become part of a family they haven't had before.  These tears are at seeing the sweetness of a little girl drifting to sleep, but right beforehand delightfully reminding those around her that her mom got married that day.  And just like that, she has a family.  Adoption.  The panned out picture encapsulating it all means more than she knows and maybe ever will.

These are tears of holding something so beloved to you, you know if you lost it or let it go, you couldn't go a minute after waking up without wishing you hadn't.  Something you would give everything away to keep.  Because we all have that thing.  That thing we know we don't deserve, and we wonder why we have it, but we do.

All these things we know we don't deserve, we wonder why we have them, but we do.  And only by the grace of God.

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