I'd Like to Add . . .

Obviously when people are vulnerable, what you see isn't always pretty.  Actually usually it's very nasty and gruesome. There's a lot of pain whether it's in the past or the present.  If the pain is present, it is a wound.  Wounds may be intriguing sometimes but are usually ugly. If that pain was in the past, there is now some scar tissue.  Sometimes scar tissue is a good thing, like when it physically comes and takes the place of a wound.  Usually when scar tissue is more emotional and symbolic though, it isn't such a good thing except that it means the absence of the wound.  It's still very messy. Being vulnerable is something that takes a lot of bravery because the one being vulnerable knows deep down that what is there isn't pretty whether that's wounds or scars.  I want to write tonight about the beauty of vulnerability itself. There is something to be respected about vulnerability that I don't think one grasps until they either are vulnera...

"You were wearied by all your ways, but you would not say, 'It is hopeless.' You found renewal of your strength, and so you did not faint." Isaiah 57:10 I don't want to mar or dilute these words by speaking too much (even though I don't have that kind of power over them). Sometimes we are called to be silent and use everything within us to just believe.  Sometimes accepting that is harder than others. Sometimes it's easy and blatantly obvious to recognize.  This verse is more on the blatantly obvious side to me because so many days I find myself obviously wearied by all my ways. There's no denying, excusing or ignorance of the fact that all my strivings and all my self-righteousness is too much for me to bear. I wasn't made to. But I know the truth is that it is not hopeless, despite what my self-pity would have me believe. Because of that, I find renewal of my strength and cannot fall. This is something I know needs to just be believed. My ...

11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do? I would try to argue against what they were saying if there was a way to do so (which, if the criticism was unjustified, there probably would be a legit counterargument).  If there wasn't a good way to argue against what they were saying in defense of my friend, I would try to change the subject.  As long as they weren't being jerks about it and it only happened once, I don't know if I would confront them about what they were doing.  I would probably just try to change the topic of conversation but if it kept going back to the criticism I would confront them or point out why it shouldn't be happening.  Chances are if these are three people that I admire, they would have been doing the criticism unknowingly and once it was pointed out to them, they would real...

Yesterday was my birthday and I am thankful for how it has been.  I think happy would be one word to describe it.  I would also say subtly blessed is another good way to put it because there weren't any obviously hugely life-changing things that went on.  I didn't get a new car or house but the events that occurred are things I couldn't have placed together myself and in that, I saw God.  So I couldn't be happier with all the little things that happened for my birthday. I got to spend the day before it with some awesome friends, the evening before it with some amazing family, and then some more time with friends the night leading up to it (these friends sang the first few rounds of "Happy Birthday" to me at Walgreens at midnight might I add). I spent the night with one of the best friends I could have been blessed with (Chels) who did those little things that mean a lot-just to make me feel special (like playing music I like and counting down the minutes ti...

I went a little bit out of order because, in all honesty I'm in a strange mood tonight.  Actually it's not too strange at all because I find myself feeling this way very often.  Sort of a romantic, very emotional, but also melancholy feeling.  I don't feel like going further into it but I wanted to find a question whose answer I felt like answering.  So number 18 it is. 18.Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Yes.  In fact I am.  I know I'm holding onto something that's a very big deal (and a lot of other little things that someday might become big deals if they're not dealt with).  This thing that I'm holding onto that I know is a big deal though, I don't know exactly what it is.  I know I need to let go, but I don't know of what.  But I guess here's where I need to let go of my every possible mental projection of the future and trust God with every option.  Maybe someday He will make it clear what I need to let ...

I stumbled on this song while listening to my iPod on shuffle the other day and I really like it.  I downloaded it as a discovery download from iTunes a while back and didn't listen to it but now I'm so glad I own it (and fo free!).  It made me realize how much I like Dubstep too.  I would define it almost as a mix of Hardcore and Techno with more easily understandable words for the most part (even though they may not make much sense in this song).  Not saying I love the music video as much as I do the song, but this  song makes me want to dance like she does 2:15 into the video.  The band sort of reminds me of Skrillex (who I also have discovered I like).  I wouldn't say it's my favorite genre, but Dubstep is definitely one I didn't know I was missing.

I haven't posted much lately and of those that I have posted, most have been answers to the 50 Questions that will free your mind so I think an update on me is in order.  So here's a few random things that have been going on in my life. A while ago I talked about how I was very torn and confused and felt like I was standing in the middle of a storm. The tug-of-war in my mind hasn't changed very much but it feels like the storm that struck up every time I went to think about the situation has quieted down. The way I am viewing the situation is changing (and has already changed a considerable amount).  I know that it's only by the grace of God that I feel a lot better about it so I'm thankful. On a different note. . .  I've been working this fall but I am thinking and praying about taking one or two classes at IPFW this spring semester.  Trying to decide if that's something God wants me to invest my money and time in or if He has other things for ...

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? Something about all of these questions is that there are a lot of different levels to which they can be answered.  At least for me and the particular place in life that I'm at right now.  On a day to day basis, I believe I do what I believe in.  And, because our every days make up the long haul, I believe with my life in general I am doing what I believe in.  I don't really have many big dreams which might be weird but it's just the case with me.  I do believe that God has plans for me and the way that those will be played out is by me following him with every step.  So yes, I am doing what I believe in.  8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? If I were only going to live till I was 40 (which is about 21 more years), I think my whole life would be very different because the society in which I was raised would be very ...

I'm back at this again cause as simple as it is, answering these questions is pretty fun as well as thought provoking. 4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? Funny that I'm answering this question in a blog where I feel as though I say plenty.  .  This is an area where I want to change.  I don't think I say exponentially more than I do but the ratio probably isn't equal.  I honestly think this is and area that the Lord is helping me change in.  I think He is teaching me to have a more gentle heart in confronting people and to have a more quiet and still heart in spending time with him.  To become a person of action in response to understanding and knowing truth- not just talking about it.  So to answer the question, if the world ended right now, I probably have said more than I've done.  That's just from my own personal perspective though and what I see in myself isn't always the way it really is.  But t...

As has happened many times before, I've been inspired by a fellow blogger to do something that I'll do for the first time in my blog- start a project!  The basis of this project is derived from 50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind (I did not compose these questions.  Apparently they're a popular set of questions to ask yourself, according to google.) For a while I've wanted to answer questions about myself on my blog (mostly because I think it would be fun to do, but also) because since this is my blog, answering questions on it makes for good blog content.  I don't know how many posts it will take me to answer all 50 questions in because it looks like answers will vary in complexity and I have the tendency to get wordy and go on and on.  Plus, there's really no telling where my mind will meander to answering some of these.  So without further adeu, here it goes! 1. How old would you be, if you didn’t know how old you are? I've actually thought about t...

Jesus, I'm sitting outside and I was about ready to blog but you told me to pray for a while first and since mom and Sarah are laying on the deck here next to where I'm sitting I think the best way for me to do that right now is to write out my prayer with this keyboard.  It's a little chilly just sitting out here but it's November 6th and I'm amazed that it's not unpleasantly cold.  And the sky is all cloud covered but it's still beautiful.  There's something about it that's beautiful.  I think it's the color.  I can't decide whether it's purple or orange but I think it's a mix of the two.  It's beautiful the way it shows off the silhouettes of the trees too.  It's beautiful laying on my back on the deck staring up at the vast sky.  You have really helped me get my mind a lot clearer tonight and I appreciate it.  I know it probably can't keep on lasting exactly like this because I still feel a pinching on my heart, an a...

There are so many things I want to be able to talk about or do but I'm so often intimidated to do so.  Sometimes I wish I could write on exactly what I think on a certain matter but when I go to gather inspiration or more information on a topic, I instead end up realizing how unknowledgeable I am on the subject.  I walk away thinking that I'm incompetent of giving my opinion because I haven't thought through every aspect of a topic and don't know all the information.  Well, that's never going to happen. While I want to be a person who seeks wisdom, I also need to understand that I can't always know everything before I'm eventually going to have to make decisions. Right now, I'm sort of sick and tired of myself being indecisive just because I don't know the "whole story". I will never know the whole story because frankly, I'm not God and I don't know the future.  I don't know if tomorrow I will regret the decision I made today...